Din mintea mea egoista....

Suntem traiti de vietile noastre, asa cred eu. Si incerc sa explic dar nu intelegi sau poate nu explic eu bine.

Mi-e frica de singuratate. Am un gol in cosul pieptului pe care trebuie sa-l umplu cu cuvinte sau gesturi, cu dragoste.
Caut umeri pe care sa plang, brate in care sa ma odihnesc, maini pe care sa le strang. Insa sunt egoisat. Caut fara sa ofer la randul meu.

Imi imprastii afectiunea cu zgarcenie, si ma ascund sub o masca de cinism si ironie. Trebuie sa ma desfaci strat cu strat, ca pe o ceapa, p-ana ajungi la miezului miezului meu. Si cred ca nimeni nu a ajuns atat de departe ca sa poata vedea monstruletul devorator de afcetiune din mine.

Sunt putine persoane carora le ofer sentimente, si atunci cand realizez cat de vulnerabila sunt fata de ele ma infasor la loc in foile mele de ceapa si trebuie s-o ia de la inceput.

Sunt o prietena teribila si minunata in acelasi timp. Si nici maacr nu stiu de ce. Si fac tot ce imi trece prin cap, nejustificat, meritul meu fiind acela de a gasi o justificare pe parcurs.

Mi-e sete de viata si pe unii asta ii atrage la mine. Dar nu isi dau seama ca eu nu menajez pe nimeni si zic totul in fata.

Frankly, I don't give a damn about a hell lot of people...Pot numara oe degete oamenii de care imi pasa cu adevarat. 75% sunt familie. PUn sufelt greu si iti ai ceva ca sa devi cineva pentru mine.

Si, totusi, stiind toate astea...Cunoscandu-mi egoismul, narcisismul, firea ciudata si schimbatoare...Evalueaza riscurile ( da, tin neaparat sa faci asta, nu vreau sa invoci nici o scuza in final), trebuei sa te hotarasti daca esti sau nu dispus sa incerci sa ma cunosti si sa ma iubesti ( nu ma refer la genul ala de iubire,se intelege).
Unora li se pare ca merita. Eu, sincer, nu stiu, dar le multumesc celor care imi umplu viata si imi accepta tentativele sovaiotare de a face la fel.

I'll only fly away...

Nelly Furtado - I'm like a bird

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Recunosc, imi place senzatia pe care o am cand cineva ma priveste obsesiv si cu intentii evidente. Sunt aproape femeie, e normal.
Dar tot vulgare mi se par fluieraturile si tot...In fine
In ultima vreme ma agndesc ca " it's time to fly away"

Let go...

Incercam sa ne ascundem defectele sub masti. Zic incercam pentru ca nu reusim. Dincolo de ceea ce afisam, constient sau subconstient in fata lumii, se vede tot.
Asa ca de azi nu ma mai ascund. Nu-mi mai pasa de ce cred altii, suntem toti la fel pana la urma. Judecam dupa criterii tampite si ne purtam ca nsite prosti most of the time.
De ce ar trebui sa ma afecteze pe mien ce cred altii? De ce sa ma ascund sau sa ma schimb?

Las regretele sa mi se scurga prin crapaturile asfaltului pe care am pasit de atatea ori...
Pff...ce ipocrita sunt :)) Vreau sa incep de la inceput si sunt inca legata de aceleasi persoane, de aceleasi locuri si de acelasi confort emotional stupid...Relatii fara scop, sau cu scopuri penibile...
Asta este. Sunt exact la fel de ipocrita ca si toat lumea si sunt mandra de asta :)

101 things I did or didn't do with him :P

1. Watch the sunset together.
2. Take showers together...
3. Back rubs/massages.
4. Listen to classical music and cuddle in the dark
(nu chiar muzica clasica, but still)
5. French Kiss.
6. Hold her w/ hands inside the back of her shirt.
7. Whisper to each other.
8. Cook for each other
9. Skinny dip.
10. Make out in the rain.
11. Dress each other.
12. Undress each other.
13. Kiss every part of their body.
14. Hold hands.
15. Sleep together. (not sex)
16. One word*Foreplay
17. Sit and talk in just underwear.
18. Buy gifts for each other.
19. Roses.
20. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.
21. Wear his clothes.
22. Find a nice secluded place to lie and watch the stars.
23. Incense/candles/oils/blacklights and music make great for sex
24. Kiss at every chance you get.
25. Don't wear underwear and let them find out.(ok, it was only the underwear underneath my blouse, but I think it counts)
26. Kinky is bad*Blindfolds are good.
27. Lightly kiss their collarbone and their jawbone just below the ear,then whisper I love you.( great move)
28. Bubble baths.
29. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.
30. Make love.
31. Write poetry for each other.
32. Kiss/smell her hair.
33. Hugs are the universal medicine.(nope, a long sexy wet kiss is :P)
34. Say I love you, only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.(...ok, being honest....I don't always mean it...I know he's gonna kill me)
35. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry etc.(daca se pune si ciocolata, da :)) )
36. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want.( da, doar eu si Megan Fox...si Angelina Jolie.... :P)
37. Spend every second possible together.(and the impossible ones as well)
38. Tell her that she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to. And mean it.
39. Look into each other's eyes.
40. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her,and kiss her lightly.>
41. Talk to each other using only body language and your eyes.
42. When in public, only flirt w/ each other.( :))...Only flirt? :)) )
43. Walk behind her and put your hands in her front pockets.
44. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.( daca se pune si bratara aia, presupun ca da)
45. Clothes are no fun.
46. Buy her a ring.
47. Keep one of her bras somewhere where you see it everyday.(naughty :)) )
48. Sing to each other. ( fredonat, dar in fine)
49. Read to each other. ( articole pe net)
50. PDA = Public Display of Affection. ( hell yeah, very public and very affectionate)
51. Take advantage of any time alone together.
52. Tell her about how you answered every question in
math with her name.
53. Draw. (If you can)
54. Let her sit on your lap.
55. Go hiking and camp out together in the woods or
on a mountain.
56. Lips were made for kissing. So were eyes, and fingers,and cheeks,and collarbones, and hands,and ears.( and other things too ;) )
57. Kiss her stomach.
58. Always hold her around her hips/sides.
59. Guys like half-shirts.
60. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.
61. Spaghetti* (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)
62. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.
63. Unless you can feel their heart beating, you aren't close enough. ( although there's something stopping him from reaching my heart...I wonder what :)) )
64. Dance together.(been trying to for a while :-w)
65. Sit in front of a roaring fire and make out/make love.
66. I love the way a girl looks right after she's fallen asleep with her head in my lap. (not really in his lap, and not sure if he loved it, but still...)
67. Carry her to bed.
68. Water beds are fun.( in our dreams :)) )
69. You figure it out.
70. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.
71. Break every one of your parent's relationship rules for them.
72. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes
73. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.
74. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.
75. Remember your dreams and tell him about them.
76. Ride your bike 8 miles just to see them for a few hours. ( ok, it is a train...and about 50 miles...but yes, he does it )
77. Ride home and call them.
78. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.
79. Somehow incorporate them into any kind of religion or worship you have.
80. Be Prince Charming to her parents. (does my grandma count?)
81.Act out mutual fantasies together.(going to...not necessary sexual)
82. Brush her hair out of her face for her.
83. Think of 101 reasons why you love them.
84. Hang out with his/her friends.
85. Go to church/pray/worship together.
86. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.
87. Cuddle together under a full moon on a clear night.
88. Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice. (still working on the second part)
89.Everyone deserves a second chance.
90. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.
91. Make sacrifices for each other.
92. Really love each other, or don't stay together.
93. Write a fictional story about how you met/fell in love, etc. and give it to them.
94. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.
95.Love yourself before you love anyone else.
96. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages. ( he did :) )
97. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.
98. Fall asleep on the phone with each other. (almost did today)
99. Sleep together naked.
100. Stand up for them when someone talks trash. ( he did :) )
101. Never forget the kiss goodnight. And always remember to say, "Sweet dreams." (although the kissing is mostly throught the phone )

It....

It was on her lips when she flicked her last cigarette.
It was in their eyes when they were laughing their hearts out.
It was underneath their feet as their were walking from shop to shop.
It was in the trembling of her fingers while she was writing the math term paper.
It was in shake of her hair, as the beat of the song got louder and louder.
It was behind her lids as she laid motionless on the fresh snow.
It was between her eyebrows, along her cheekbones, above her left hip, right behind her ear, on the inside of her leg, like a long trail of soft kisses.
Actually, it was in every tiny moment between her heartbeats, in every wink and every breath...The tiny little moments and gestures and places that make up life.

109 crazy things

So let's see how crazy I am....

Have you ever...

1. smoked a cigarette
2. smoked a cigar
3. done weed
4. kissed a member of the same sex
5. drank alcohol

1. been in love
2. been dumped
3. shoplifted-the fun of it.
4. been fired
5. been in a fist fight


1. snuck out of a parent’s house
2. had feelings for someone who didn’t have
them back
3. been arrested
4. made out with a stranger
5. gone out on a blind date

1. had a crush on an older person
2. skipped school
3. slept with a co-worker
4. seen someone/something die


1. had/have a crush on one of your FRIENDSTER
friends
2. been to Paris
3. been to Spain
4. been on a plane
5. thrown up from drinking


1. eaten Sushi
2. been snowboarding
3. met someone BECAUSE of myspace
4. been mosh pitting


1. been in an abusive relationship
2. taken pain killers
3. love/like someone right now
4. laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
5. made a snow man

1. had a tea party
2. flown a kite
3. built a sand castle
4. gone puddle jumping
5. played dress up


1. jumped into a pile of leaves
2. gone sledding
3. cheated while playing a game
4. been lonely
5. fallen asleep at work/school

1. used a fake/someone else’s ID
2. watched the sun set
3. felt an earthquake
4. killed a snake

1. been tickled
2. been robbed/vandalized
3. robbed someone
4. been misunderstood
5. pet a reindeer


1. won a contest
2. been suspended from school
3. had detention
4. been in a car/motorcycle accident


1. had/have braces/retainer
2. eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
3. had deja vu
4. danced in the moonlight



1. hated the way i look
2, witnessed a crime
3. pole danced
4. questioned my heart
5. been obsessed with post-it notes


1. squished barefoot through the mud
2. been lost
3. been to the opposite side of the world
4. swam in the ocean
5. felt like you were dying


1. cried yourself to sleep
2. played cops and robbers
3. recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
4. sang karaoke
5. paid for a meal with only coins


1. done something you told yourself you wouldn’t
2. made prank phone calls
3. laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
4. kissed in the rain




1. written a letter to Santa Clause
2. been kissed under a mistletoe
3 watched the sun set with someone you care/cared about
4. blown bubbles
5. made a bonfire on the beach


1. crashed a party
2. have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
3. gone roller skating/ blading
4. had a wish come true
5. humped a monkey


1. worn pearls
2. jumped off a bridge
3, screamed “penis” at a football game.
4. swimming with dolphins


1. got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer/ice cube
2. kissed a fish
3. worn the opposite sex’s clothes
4. sat on a roof top


1, screamed at the top of your lungs
2. can do a one-handed cartwheel
3. talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
4. stayed up all night


1. picked and ate an apple right off the tree
2. climbed a tree
3. had/been in a tree house
4. are scared to watch scary movies alone


1. believe in ghosts
2. have/had more then 30 pairs of shoes
3. gone streaking
4. been in jail

Noi, sau De ce Vreau Sa Devin Zebra.

Thinking about it drives me crazy.

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song....

...you can't believe it, you were always singing along. It was so easy...

Somewhere in the back of my mind...I know I'm wondering "what's the point anyway?"...But it's way too late to stop now.